“Next time don’t come down stairs until you’ve rubbed the bitch out of your eyes.”
I love that line so much. I don’t really know why, but it’s tickles me. That’s Michael greeting his ever-pleasant older sister at way too early in the morning. In all fairness, she was being a bitch.
Applying the edits I made to the manuscript starts tonight. I’m thinking it’ll take me a week or a week and a half to finish. I’m still up in the air about the opening lines.
“And that’s what can happen when you feed a dog Poprocks. Amazing, isn’t it, Diane?”
“It certainly is, Rick. I hope little Billy’s wounds heal soon. We at News Channel Seven wish you a speedy recovery, Billy.”
It’s completely irrelevant to the rest of the plot but it’s what Michael’s sitting in front of the TV watching. He makes some comments on it, like wondering when Poprocks became breaking news, but it’s not the context I’m worried about more so than what people’s reactions would be as a first introduction to my story is a newscast about a dog eating Poprocks. Again, betas will help immensely.
I certainly like the first one. It appeals to my inner snark.
The first one is definitely you.
The second one is good, and something I’d be tempted to keep if I’d written it but I kind of think the first lines have to hook the reader with something to do with the story.
Just my two cents.
Thanks, guys!
Now that you’ve said that, Ben, I can definitely reword that opening part so that it ties in directly with the story but still keeps with what I was saying.
I *love* the first line, like the above commenter, it appeals to my inner snark.
For the second one…at first I was like O_O then I was like O_O
It might not have anything to do with the plot, but it definitely lets you know the author’s sense of humour. ^_^