I never thought I’d hear myself say that.

I was at Barnes and Noble tonight spending the $50 gift card that was burning a hole in my pocket and, for the first time ever, I was actually recoiling from all the vampire stuff that was on the shelves.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love me my vampires.  My older school vampires.  Interview with the Vampire.  The Lost Boys.  Near Dark.  Anything manufactured prior to 2005.  But this whole string of vampires in high school is just leaving a bad taste in my mouth.  Oh yeah, I totally get the appeal for teenage girls.  Absolutely no denying that.  But at the end of the day, do vampires have nothing better to do with their immortality than go to high school and hit on jailbait?  Really?

Not to mention the lot of them are just simpering pussies.  While I highly doubt they’d be able to blend in with society if they went feral at the sound of the lunch bell, they’re just so mopey  and blah and BORING that they’re kind of spitting on everything a vampire traditionally is.

One book I read fairly recently (more like 3 in one, actually) was Vampire Beach.  I have never been so bored with vampires in my life.  Of course the vamps are the hot, talented, unattainable high school crowd that everyone wants to be a part of but instead of being real vampires, they’re humanitarians and in order to feed, they throw parties.  When they bite someone, it’s equivalent to dropping Ecstasy, apparently, and no pain ever comes to the victim.  Where’s the fun in that?  Not to mention their lives are just downright dull.  They lay on the beach (yeah, they can go in the sun, according to them, they’ve adapted), surf and throw parties.  Snore.  I was hoping someone would go feral at lunch at that point.  When one of them did (just not at lunch), it was over so quickly and painlessly it gave me the worst case of blue book balls since Breaking Dawn.  Downer.

If I don’t read another vampire book for a while I’ll be quite content.  I’ll probably wait until the shelves at the book store aren’t inundated with sappy high school vampires before I pick up another one.  Although I do have one old school LJ Smith book in my TBR that I can see.  And then 3 “vampire survival guide” type of books which I don’t fit into that category.  Other than that, I’m branching out.  I need a detox.