Endings Are My Kryptonite

I have no idea why. It’s not like I feel anything other than relief once I finish writing a book. Maybe when I end this series in a book and a half I’ll feel something other than elation. It’s taken up a good chunk of my life at this point (about ten years or so) and it’s basically become a part of me. But for book 2? Why the apprehension?

Maybe it’s because I think I suck at writing endings. I’ll end up writing more than I intended because the damn thing won’t end so instead of 10 pages I end up with an additional 30 because END ALREADY. I went four days in a row without writing anything just this past week. I literally have like a chapter and a half left (I mentioned before on Facebook that it was only a chapter, but for the elements I need to happen, which are the same elements now that they were when I said I only had a chapter left, I’d either end up with an overlong chapter or I could break it up. So I’m breaking it up. Same information, just three chapters instead of one.). Even if I’d taken only an hour on one of those days I’d be done by now. Instead I’m the master procrastinator.

Maybe that’s it. I just procrastinate. Or I have a subconscious fear that once I finish book 2 I start final edits on book 1 so I can have an ARC ready by the end of summer and it’ll take me that much closer to pub date. WHICH IS SCARY. So the longer I stay writing book 2 the more I can put off the genuinely scary moment of publication because WHAT HAPPENS IF NO ONE LIKES IT I’M A FAILURE.

Totally at a subconscious level because it’s completely irrational. Not my publication fear. I think that’s completely rational and reasonable to have. But just my unwillingness to finally end this thing. Maybe it’s a culmination of all of the above. It’s not like the crisis moment I had a couple weeks ago where the ending seemed to FUBAR itself and I didn’t know whether I’d have a duology or a trilogy. That worked itself out nicely (a trilogy with a novella between books 2 and 3).

Maybe because it’s anticlimatic. Or I really want to work on something else (which I am with BEFORE I’M DEAD, previously called TRIALS OF FAITH, my vampire apocalypse story on Wattpad that’s getting rebooted). and be done with this particular story. I do have an urge to move on, but I know I won’t be able to until the series is done. I can see clearly now the rain is gone where the story is going, I know what I need to write for the novella, I know what I need to write and wrap up for book 3. It’s literally never been clearer.

I don’t know. I just don’t like endings, I guess.

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