Just get the fuck out of my way, or: I know I’m being irrational. That’s the fucking point.

Allow me to nerd out for a moment.

I’ve intermittently belonged to The Lost Boys fandom for twenty years at this point. I pretty much stopped participating in forums about 10 years ago because, quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time, I hadn’t come across anything new, and I wasn’t interested in having “conversations” with people whose head canons were cemented to the insides of their skulls with no room for interpretation. Plus shit just happens online that I can’t be bothered to waste my time and energy on because no one’s really interested in having a rational conversation. So there’s that.

But I’ve been collecting the entire time. Since I was old enough to legally get on eBay (18, I think?) I’ve been collecting Lost Boys memorabilia. And I’ve amassed quite a collection. Over the years there have been money grabs to try and expand the universe with a couple of shit and shittier sequels and a couple of sets of comic books. All of these things effectively ignore each other and most people don’t consider them canon because they don’t like them and they’re just all over the place. With the extended DVD that was released maybe 10 years ago with movie commentary and interviews, plus a lot of the actors doing conventions, more information has trickled out about behind the scenes stuff that those of us with a great love for the movie have been frothing at the face to get.

Then last year Paul Davis started working on a behind-the-scenes book called LOST IN THE SHADOWS and the fandom exploded. The book was hyped like crazy. I even did a 30th anniversary event for the movie on Wattpad to not only hype the book but bring a new generation of attention to the movie itself. It was slated to be awesome and from what I’ve seen it is awesome. There were print delays due to spine issues with the book so what started off as an end of August shipment time turned into an October shipment time. Shit happens. No problems. I’d already handled the sample copy. I’d seen it and I knew the spine issue had already been fixed. Whatever. A few more weeks isn’t going to be an issue.

Then people started receiving them, posting pictures of the cover, of them holding it. Hooray! And then they opened it. And it fell apart. Not everyone’s, but enough of them that as someone who hadn’t received them yet was getting concerned. When one of three of mine came in, I pulled it out and immediately looked at the spine without opening it. One one end it was attached to the binding. On the other it was completely detached. Well, that didn’t look too bad, right? Until I followed the detachment to the back of the book and found the binding had completely ripped off from the spine. The book is hanging onto the cover by a single sheet of paper. Are you fucking kidding me? At $54 per book, this is what I get?

So I go into the group and see all of the photos people are posting their broken books and I post mine and I’m fucking furious. I’m furious for many reasons. I’m still waiting on two more books to come in (even as I write this) and this is what I have to look forward to? One of those books has to go to the contest winner of my Wattpad event. What the hell am I supposed to tell them? Sorry, the book is shitty but there’s nothing I can do about it? And all this hype for this? This cheaply made China product that I’m going to have to fix myself because it absolutely can’t be replaced? Really?

But what really continues to bother me more is the way some people with pristine books are acting, not necessarily trying to brush the problem under the rug but certainly impugning what those of us with bad books are going through and trying to divert the conversation. Let’s talk about the content, guys! Because it’s awesome! Except we can’t open the books we have because they’ll fall apart more. So do you want me to guess?

Add in the responses people are getting from the publisher giving people two options: you pay shipping to return it and get a refund (minus all shipping charges) or get a partial refund of 10 pounds. Because again, they’re not getting replaced. I haven’t contacted the publisher yet because I’m waiting for my other two copies to come in, but I know people who have. And the continued insistence by those involved to say this is due to a shipping and handling issue to the States is making me even angrier. They continue to insist it’s only people in the US who have had this issue when there’s at least one person in the UK and one in Europe also with this problem. And they continue to not take responsibility for the product itself.

The people with damaged books, regardless of where they are in the world, all have the same tearing issue in the same place in the book. Unless there’s one real crotchety postman out there fucking with us, this is not a shipping issue. This is a product issue. Stop insulting my intelligence. A shipping issue is a dented cover or maybe a random torn page. It’s not all damaged books damaging in the same exact way. That’s a product issue. Especially when the packaging my book arrived in was pristine. No dents, no tears, no real damage to the box. So . . . shipping ghosts? Is that what we’re going with?

I know, deep down, I shouldn’t be this angry about a book. I really shouldn’t. But as a member of The Lost Boys fandom for most of my life at this point, it’s more than just a book. It’s a plethora of information and photos that even the most ardent fan hadn’t seen until now. It’s the culmination of nearly a lifetime of dedication to this fandom. Davis even used some of my archival material from my fansite in the book and I’m fucking named in the special thanks section at the front of the book. So this is more than just a book. And what I have and what I can hold in my hands is a floppy piece of shit being held together by a thread. I can’t get to the content without ruining the book more. So what good does that do me? As a collector’s item the book is worthless. It’s ruined.

I know I’m being irrationally angry about this, but like I said, it’s more than just a book to me. And I have a right to be fucking angry with all of the effort I’ve put in to help market this book. I marketed a defective product without knowing it was going to be defective and without those involved recognizing that the product itself is defective. This is not okay. I vouched for this and it turned out to be dog shit. That is a burn I will never heal from.

So when I have people effectively patting me on the head and saying “well, you can rant and rave all you want but it’s not going to do anything so let’s talk about the content, guys, because it’s awesome and turn those frowns upside down!” Yeah, go fuck yourself. I’m sure those tunes would be a lot more somber if they hadn’t received defective products that they can’t replace and have to fix themselves. So what I need right now, as a very angry member of this fandom, is to just rant and rave. I won’t spoil people’s fun. I’m not going to insert myself into spaces to be a Debbie Downer and rain on people’s parades. But what I don’t want is for those Ursula Uppers to come into my space and pat me on the head like a tantruming child and try to distract me with jangling car keys. Fuck off. Just leave me alone to be angry right now. Let me commiserate with other people who are in the same boat as me without your sunshine and fucking unicorn fart cloud hovering over me. Let me get my last two copies that I’m waiting for and see if I have even more reason to be angry, contact the publisher, and work this shit out.

I know I’m irrationally angry right now and it feels fucking fantastic. That’s the fucking point. Just leave me alone to run myself down until I can get over this. As someone on the other side of this, know when to shut your fucking mouth and just let me scream into a fucking pillow, huh? And this fucking sucks. So just get out of my way and let me master this term of enrampagement. When I come out of it I’ll be fine. But not right now.

Not right fucking now.

2 Responses to Just get the fuck out of my way, or: I know I’m being irrational. That’s the fucking point.

  1. I received my book just the other day. The book wasn’t moving around in the package like in that video. However, when I opened the package, I immediately noticed no plastic or protection from the elements. I’m just grateful that it arrived on the one day it wasn’t raining.

    When I opened the book, in the first few pages, you can see the white binding thread. I feel like I have be careful or I’ll accidentally rip the page out. I thought that was odd and maybe a random printing issue. Just out of curiosity and excitement, I started perusing instagram and tumblr to see other peoples posts.about getting their book. Came across your page/video and others…and now I realize this is a widespread problem..They had months to get this ready. Hell, I would have been okay with waiting until December if it meant getting the book in pristine condition. Anyways, I just wanted to put add my 2 pennies. Good for you for calling them out.

    • That sucks that your book is falling apart too. That everyone’s is or will fall apart. This isn’t what we waited for.