My soul is tired.

I did my first CrossFit competition and it’s still too early to tell whether I liked it or not. I haven’t recovered from it yet.

We practiced it for it last week and I got so far into my head about it I’m pretty sure I ended up in Australia. I was so down on myself for how poorly I was doing the workouts, how I overestimated myself, how I wasn’t ready. What the hell was I doing? Total pity party, totally depressed about it. I didn’t want to do it.

Yesterday came and I was a bundle of nerves. It was less “OMG I’m going to make a fool of myself” nerves and more like “OMFG I don’t want to do this I’m going to be awful” nerves. Similar, but not the same. So because I didn’t want to go the whole day on an empty stomach and eating real food was completely out of the question (really trying not to projectile vomit in front of a crowd here) I had a protein shake before heading over and then some of my pre-workout booster shake about a half hour before the first event (non-stim, I’m not a fan of coke).

The first WOD was an ascending ladder of knees to chest and shoulder to overhead at 65 lbs for me (95lbs for Steve, I think) and I stepped up to the bar thinking OMG I don’t want to do this. While one person is working the other had to remain engaged so while one person was doing knees to chest the other was hanging from the bar and while one person was doing shoulder to overhead the other had to hold the barbell over head. No rest for the wicked, 10 minute AMRAP. We’d gotten into the fourth round during practice. Our goal was to finish the fourth round. We ended up getting 3/4 of the way into the fifth round. Hooray! Exceeded expectations!

Still came in last in that heat. That got me down a bit even though we exceeded our original goal by something like 50 reps. It’s like our best (well, my best, this particular workout was nothing for Steve, the weight was inconsequential for him) still wasn’t anywhere near good enough. That was hard to get over.

I knocked back some Kill Cliff to recover, ate a protein bar, and prepared myself for the second WOD. For time with a 12 minute cap 45 calories on the assault bike (18 for me), 35 partner deadlifts at 270 pounds (easy peasy), 25 synchro burpees over the bar, and 15 alternating box jumps/step-ups. We were in the scaled division, by the way. Between his injuries and my noobness RX would have been a joke. Took another hit of pre-workout because I needed it before this chipper.

I was actually able to get to 15 calories before I really started hurting on the AB and it was only 3 calories of pure torture before I had to get off. Thing was it completely blew up my legs. Like BLEW THEM UP. We were totally planning on using the deadlifts as a recovery session because the weight is so light for us (we weren’t doing scaled because the deadlifts were too heavy, that’s for sure), but the bike ruined us more than we anticipated. We ended up having to break our lifts up into 5s at the last second. We originally planned on 10s and a 5. And then the burpees nearly destroyed me. My legs were so ruined I could barely feel them jumping over the bar. At some point in the middle of the set, as I was lying face down on the floor, I very nearly started sobbing. To which my husband said NOT A TIME TO THROW YOURSELF A PITY PARTY GET UP. Finished those and thank the CrossFit gots that step-ups were acceptable in scaled because if I had to jump on that box even just the seven times I had to do it I would have lost my teeth.

Our goal was sub-10 on that workout. We did it in sub-9. Hooray! Goal way exceeded! And then I felt like I was going to die for about 45 minutes afterward.

Another Kill Cliff, another protein bar, and another couple hours before the final burner workout. By this point my brain was done. I was so emotionally exhausted I’m surprised I could wipe myself going to the bathroom. I was just burnt. And I still had one more workout to go that I spent two hours telling myself that I REALLY didn’t want to do.

I didn’t do a third pre-workout before the final WOD because it was only a 6 minute deal that I just wanted to get over with. The two of us had 6 minutes to each run 400 meters on the true form runner and throw a d-ball 6 times each, 100 pounds for him (which was nothing) and 80 pounds for me (which was awful). One person had to complete the workout before the other could start. During practice we found that I was floundering with the d-ball and was only able to get one throw in so Steve was going to go first and rip through it to give me enough time to do what I could.

That form runner sucks. Blows up your calves nicely. And that d-ball? Ugh. No. But I got in one throw. And then another. And another. I got five in all together. I actually thought I’d gotten no-repped on one and didn’t realize I’d missed the cap by a single throw. My goal was to get two based on how hard I struggled with it the week before. I ended up getting five. Hooray! Expectations crazy exceeded! Nearly started crying at the end of that one, both because that was really heavy for me and it took a lot of effort after I’d already expended way more than I was running on calorie-wise and because I’d gotten so many and I totally wasn’t expecting that.

Steve’s the one in the green dress. He was Louise. I’m Tina although I stripped the skirt off before even the first workout. Thing was annoying. Plus I had to sport my unicorn shorts. That shirt was fantastic, BTW. I bought it because it’s the perfect color for Tina, cost me $6 on Amazon. It’s a Hanes nano tech or something like that. Dried practically instantly. I did three WODs in that shirt and it was bone dry before each one. Kind of awesome. And hey! Look at my triple extension! Huuuuuurrrrrllllllll! Photos courtesy Kenna at the gym.

We ended up placing 13th overall out of 16 teams in the scaled division. We ended up last, I think, in the first workout, in the middle in the second and I don’t know where we ended up in the third. Lucky number for me, not the greatest ranking, but considering we far exceeded every goal we set for ourselves yesterday I’d say it’s a win. I have to remind myself of that because I’m just burnt out right now. I want to feel more excited about what I did but I’m still so emotionally exhausted that I can’t muster the energy to do it right now. I slept 9 and a half hours last night. I ran on about 500 calories for most of the day. By the time all of my adrenaline dropped off and my body realized it was on empty it was like my stomach took a flying leap off a cliff and I went from fine to starving in a blink.

I’m sore down to my marrow. I’m more exhausted than I’ve been in a long time. I did it, but I’m still processing. Give me a little distance, more time to recover, and more time to sleep it off and I’ll let you know exactly how I feel about what I did and whether or not I’m going to put myself through that again. For right now I survived. I didn’t puke on myself in front of anyone (or at all), I didn’t faint, I didn’t cry, and I exceeded all expectations. Signs point to good.

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